Is your generosity a blessing – or a trap for others?

By Andre Eksteen

We all know the story of the Good Samaritan, and we know that God loves a cheerful giver. But the Word does not stop there – and that is exactly where the problem lies. The same Bible that encourages us to give also says that there are times when you should not give, and that there are people to whom you must not give at all.

Let us first sweep in front of our own door before we start talking about others. The phone rings, you answer, and it is someone from a children’s home asking for a donation. You yourself are in such a tight financial situation that you cannot even give your own family everything they need. But the woman on the other end of the line sounds so desperate that you begin to feel guilty. In the end, you agree to give money, even though you know that now you will not be able to buy your daughter the pair of school shoes she urgently needs.

Did you act correctly? Let us see what Paul says: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.” (1 Timothy 5:8). Your first calling therefore lies with your own household – not with everyone who manipulates you with guilt.

The golden rule is therefore simple: God gave your people to you, and your responsibility begins with them. If you cannot even take care of your own, you are breaking the foundation that God Himself placed in your hands. But if you do have enough to give – to whom should you not give?

The lazy man is the first one we need to talk about. We all know that neighbour who always needs something. He is healthy, he is strong, he can work – but he does not. You see him every day sitting under the tree with a cigarette and a beer. When he sees you, he has a long story about how the boss exploits him, how the economy is against him, how nobody gives him a chance. And people feel sorry for him. They slip a few notes into his hand, bring him a bag of food, even pay his electricity. They think they are doing the right thing. Meanwhile, he is simply lazy, and every time you carry him, you block the lesson God is trying to teach him. You stop the discipline that his laziness was meant to bring and you strengthen him in his sin. Paul said it plainly: “If any would not work, neither should he eat.” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). No beating about the bush, no room for misunderstanding – yet you strengthen him in his wrongdoing.

Then we come to the ungrateful receiver. We also know that aunt who always complains that nobody wants to help her. Every month she receives groceries from the church, clothes from family, and people drive her around to support her. But you will never hear a “thank you” or see even a hint of gratitude. On the contrary, she just keeps complaining that nobody does anything for her or gives enough. She only looks at what she can get next, as if the world owes her. It makes one think of the ten lepers whom Jesus healed – only one came back to say thank you (Luke 17:17). Ungratefulness is not a small thing; it is a sign of a heart that has hardened. And every time you support such a person, your blessing is not only wasted – you help them sink even deeper into selfishness and pride.

And then the proud man. Everyone knows that man in town who always wants to convince everyone that he is smarter than the rest. He comes to you with big plans, asks for your advice or your help, but he never listens. You can warn him, you can waste your time, but he believes he knows better. Eventually he ends up drowning in debt, his business collapses, and yet he always blames someone else. The Bible says: “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18). If even God resists the proud, how do you think your help is going to change that? Every time you try to pick him up, you simply give him another chance to justify himself – and you become the ladder he uses to try to hide his own fall.

The godless young man who threw everything away. He had a job, he had a home, he had a family who cared for him. But he chose friends who drink, swear and sin, and he went along with them. He lost his home, he lost his job, and every time someone runs to rescue him with open arms. But Psalm 1 says: “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners.” If you keep rescuing someone who deliberately walks with the godless, you are no longer a helper – you are a partner in his rebellion and sin.

The fool. You warn him about debt and he goes and gets into debt. You warn him about bad company and he runs back to the same crowd. You warn him about drink and he ends up drunk in the ditch again. Proverbs says: “As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly.” (Proverbs 26:11). Every time you pick him up, you make it easier for him to fall back into the same mess.

The manipulator. You know that guy – he comes with big tears, with a dramatic story that never quite adds up. His grandmother has died and he must bury her, but she has already died and been buried twice before. He promises that this time he will get it right, he swears that he has changed. You feel sorry for him and give again. And then you see him a week later exactly where he was before, looking for the next victim – busy burying his grandmother once again. Proverbs says: “Lying lips are abomination to the Lord.” (Proverbs 12:22). Every time you believe his story, you simply make him more skilled in his deception.

And then there is the man at the traffic light. You see him every day when you stop at the robot. His clothes are dirty and torn, his hair is unkempt, his hands stretched out. He asks for money or food, but you know in your heart he is not going to buy bread – he is going to buy drugs or alcohol with what you give him. He is really a combination of everything we have mentioned above: lazy, because he refuses to take the work that is available; ungrateful, because the more you give, the less he appreciates it; proud, because he believes the world owes him; foolish, because he returns to the same sin like a dog to its vomit; and stubborn, because even when you give him advice or offer another way out, he clings to his path of self-destruction.

You even offer him a day’s work – something simple, for which he would get cash immediately. But he shakes his head: work pays too little, he says. And there the truth lies open: he has chosen that your money must feed his sin. You think you are being merciful when you take that coin out of your wallet, but in reality you are just giving him fuel to dig his own grave deeper. You block the discipline that God might have wanted to use to bring him to his senses, and you make yourself a helper of his sin. It feels like mercy, but it is not. It is a trap – for him and for you.

Now you must ask honestly: who are you really helping when you give? Are you helping someone to get back on their feet – or are you helping him to sink even deeper into his sin? You can empty your wallet, waste your time, pour out your energy, but if you sow it on the wrong ground, it will never bear fruit. The Bible says: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Galatians 6:7). If you sow sin, even in the name of mercy, you will reap sin.

God does not call you to make people comfortable in their laziness, ingratitude or rebellion. He calls you to be wise, to discern where your gifts are a blessing and where they become a trap. True love sometimes means you have to say “no”. True mercy is not always to give, but to allow someone to reap the fruit of his choices so that he can return to God.

The world will call you cruel. They will say you are unloving. But God’s Word is clear: if you neglect your own, you are worse than an unbeliever; and if you keep carrying the sinner, you become part of his guilt. Your responsibility is first towards your household, then towards those who are truly in need – those who want to change, those who are open to God’s work.

Ask yourself today: is your generosity a blessing that God uses – or a trap that the enemy exploits? Because your giving will never be neutral. It either builds God’s kingdom or it keeps people trapped in darkness. The choice lies in your hands.