Live the Golden Line – The Non-Negotiable Law of Forgiveness: Part 8
By Andre Eksteen
In Part 7 we saw how the Holy Spirit speaks with a gentle voice – and that this voice can only be heard in silence, not in noise. But here, in Part 8, we must be honest with ourselves. Because if there is one thing that silences that voice, one thing that brings your spiritual life to a complete standstill, it is unforgiveness.
It is simple: if you do not forgive, God cannot forgive you. Not “might not,” or “perhaps not” – He cannot. Jesus Himself said it plainly, without softening it:
“But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:15)
These are not my words – they are His. And it is one of the hardest truths in the Bible. It is the verse the modern church prefers to avoid, because it is uncomfortable to hear.
But I will say it exactly as it is: if you die with bitterness in your heart, you will not see God. You can preach, pray, sing, and even help people – but if there is someone you have not forgiven, your path to heaven is closed.
God forgives only those who forgive
People often say in the courtroom where they defend themselves for why they cannot or will not forgive: “But God understands me well, I am deeply hurt and wronged. I can never forgive him.”
And – yes, God understands. He Himself endured the greatest injustice in history. But that is precisely why He says: “Forgive.” Not because He makes light of your pain, but because He knows you cannot receive His forgiveness while you are still holding on to retribution.
Forgiveness is not optional. It is not something you do when you feel like it or when the other person apologises. It is a command – the foundation upon which your own salvation rests. Your relationship with God dies at the point where your forgiveness of others stops. You slam heaven’s door in your own face.
If you tell someone: “I will never forget what you did to me,” you are in fact telling God: “I am keeping this matter under my own jurisdiction and have delivered the sentence.” And God takes that seriously. He says: “Vengeance is Mine; I will repay.” (Romans 12:19). But if you want to keep it yourself, you draw that judgement onto yourself.
In the courtroom of man’s soul against God’s Spirit. Take note: the spirit of man is not even involved here, because someone who truly lives in the Spirit does not wait for forgiveness to be earned – he forgives even while the other is still wronging him. The soul holds on, but the spirit surrenders immediately to the Spirit of God. The soul cries for justice; the spirit lives in the peace of the Spirit of God and understands true grace. That is the difference between a human – soulish – reaction and divine nature.
Man: “Lord… I know You say I must forgive, but You don’t understand what they did to me. It is unforgivable.”
God: “I understand very well. I saw how they betrayed you, how you were treated unjustly, how they murdered your loved one, how you shed tears in silence. I heard every word, saw every wound. But My Word has not changed: ‘But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.’ (Matthew 6:15).”
Man: “But Lord, it isn’t right! They hurt me, and they never apologised! They are living on, happy, as if nothing happened!”
God: “I know. That is why I said: ‘Vengeance is Mine; I will repay.’ (Romans 12:19). When you say: ‘I will never forget,’ you are telling Me: ‘I am keeping this matter outside of Your jurisdiction.’ And then you bring that judgement on yourself. Because you cannot take My judgement seat and still call Me Father.”
Man: “But Lord, I don’t feel like I can forgive. The pain is too deep. I’ve tried, but every time I think about it, I get angry again.”
God: “I also felt. I felt it when I was nailed for sins that were not Mine. I felt it when they struck Me, when I cried out: ‘My God, why hast Thou forsaken Me?’ But I still said: ‘Father, forgive them.’ Forgiveness is not a feeling — it is a choice. You are waiting for the feeling, but I am waiting for your obedience.”
Man: “That’s easy for You to say, Lord. You are God. I’m only human.”
God: “You are not ‘only human’ — you carry My Spirit in you. If My Son, nailed to a cross, could say ‘forgive them,’ then you, with My Spirit in you, can do the same. It is not because you are strong — it is because I live in you. Have you already forgotten Who dwells in you?”
Man: “But Lord, what if they do it again? What if they hurt me again?”
God: “Then you forgive again. Peter also asked Me: ‘How many times must I forgive — seven times?’ And I said: ‘Not seven, but seventy times seven.’ (Matthew 18:22). You do not count forgiveness, because I do not count your sins.”
Man: “But it feels like I’m just a doormat. People use me.”
God: “No, child. Forgiveness does not make you a doormat — it makes you free. Unforgiveness binds you to their actions. Every time you rehearse it, you give them control over your peace. Forgiveness returns that control to Me.”
Man: “I don’t want to hate them, Lord, but I cannot love them.”
God: “You don’t need a feeling; you must simply choose. Love does not begin with
warmth — it begins with obedience. When you choose to pray for them, I begin to heal your heart and your life.”
God: “Forgiveness does not mean you pretend nothing happened — it means you hand the matter and the person over to Me. You do not need to be best friends again. You do not need to have contact again. You must only ensure that you no longer carry them in your heart. You say: ‘Lord, I place this person in Your hands,’ and then you leave it there. You don’t look back, you don’t talk about it again, you don’t keep the wound open. And I will do what is right.”
Man: “And if I don’t do it, Lord?”
God: “Then you keep the matter in your own hand — and with it, the punishment. If you do not forgive, I cannot forgive you. Not because I do not want to, but because you locked the door yourself. Unforgiveness is your own prison, and you hold the key.”
God concludes gently:
“I did not call you to be the judge of people, but to show My love to people. You do not need to determine their punishment — I do that. You must simply ensure that your heart remains clean. Because when you choose to forgive, you choose to let Me into that part of your life again. It is not weakness — it is victory. It is not forgetfulness — it is freedom. And when you choose it, I say to you: now you are truly My child.”
Unforgiveness closes heaven
Let us be honest. Many people believe they are saved. They pray, they attend church, they talk about God, but they carry anger and vengeance in their hearts. They say: “I forgave, but I don’t forget.” They smile at the world, but they carry the poison of bitterness in their spirits. And Jesus says to such people:
“Not every one that saith unto Me, Lord, Lord, shall enter, but he that doeth the will of My Father.” (Matthew 7:21)
What is His will? To forgive, as you have been forgiven. If you do not do that, then you live in rebellion against His will. And if you die like that, you will hear:
“Depart from Me, I never knew you.”
Unforgiveness makes your prayers useless. Your songs hollow. Your Bible study empty. Your worship hits the ceiling and falls back down. Because God does not look at words – He looks at the heart. And a heart full of bitterness is incompatible with His Spirit.
The self-deception of “I cannot”
I hear it often: “Andre, I cannot forgive, you do not understand what he did to me.” And I say: you’re right – perhaps I don’t understand. But God understands, and He has already said you must. You cannot say you believe in the cross and yet refuse to measure others by the same cross.
If you say you cannot forgive, you are actually saying: “The cross was not enough.” You are saying: “What Jesus did is good, but my pain is greater.” That is dangerous.
Because what you are actually doing is placing yourself above Christ’s sacrifice.
You say you cannot? He hung on a cross with a spear wound in His side and thorns on His head, and still He said:
“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34)
If He, who was sinless, could forgive, how can you, who need sinner’s grace yourself, say you cannot?
Unforgiveness kills your spirit
The person who carries unforgiveness lives in constant tension. He does not sleep well. He prays but feels dry. He reads Scripture, but it does not speak to him. It is because God’s Spirit does not dwell in a heart filled with bitterness. It is like pouring fresh water into a dirty bucket – it stays murky.
Unforgiveness does not bind the one who caused the hurt – it binds you. You are the one sitting in the prison, not him. You walk with chains you forged yourself. You think you are punishing the other, but you are slowly suffocating in your own anger.
The soul says: “I cannot forget.” The Spirit says: “Let go.” The soul says: “It is not fair.” The Spirit says: “Let God judge.” The soul holds on to pain; the Spirit holds on to peace.
Forgiveness is a command, not a feeling
Many people wait to “feel right” before they forgive. But you will never feel that way. Forgiveness is not an emotion — it is a decision. You choose to hand someone over to God, even when you still feel hurt. You simply say:
“Lord, I forgive this person. I hand him or her over to You. Cleanse my heart, Lord, and touch that person’s heart as well. Forgive me as I forgive.”
And then you let it go. Not just once, but every time the thought returns. You say again:
“Lord, break my soul that denies You. Forgive me that I listened to my soul again today. Forgive me that I gave someone to You but am now trying to carry it myself. Give me the strength and the faith to truly leave in Your hands what I give to You — and to stop pretending that I am my own god. Forgive me, Lord.”
And then you do it again tomorrow, and the day after, until the grip of the pain breaks and His peace fills the place where anger and hurt once lived.
Every time you say it, you give the Holy Spirit permission to heal you. It is not for the other person – it is for you.
Jesus tells the parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18. He is a man who owed an enormous debt, but the king forgave him. Then he walked out and refused to forgive another man a small debt. And what did the king do? He withdrew his forgiveness and threw him into prison “till he should pay all.”
Jesus says:
“So likewise shall My heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive
not every one his brother.” (Matthew 18:35)
It is clear. No fine print. No exceptions.
Forgiveness is the proof of being born again
A person who truly lives by the Spirit cannot continue hating. It is impossible. The Spirit of God and the spirit of bitterness cannot co-exist. If you have carried the same bitterness for years, you must honestly ask whether you have ever been born again.
The answer is simple – NO.
The Spirit brings peace, gentleness, and compassion. He opens your eyes to see people through God’s eyes. You begin to feel sorry for those who hurt you, because you realise: they are themselves captive to sin. You no longer see them as enemies, but as the sick.
Forgiveness means you choose to look like Christ. It is the highest form of obedience, and it is the only path to freedom.
How do you begin?
- Acknowledge the hurt. You cannot forgive what you deny. Name it.
- Confess your own bitterness. Say to God: “I have carried this too long.”
- Hand it over. Out loud, honestly: “Lord, I choose to forgive.”
- Pray for the person. This opens your heart for healing.
- Keep going. Your soul will want to take it back, but choose each time to let it go. Crucify your soul!
It is a process – but it is a holy process. Every time you choose to forgive, the Spirit becomes stronger in you and the soul weaker.
The test of the cross
The cross is the only place where forgiveness is possible. It is where God’s justice and
mercy met. It is where Jesus paid for every injustice – including the one against you. If you look at the cross and say: “It is enough for me,” you must also be able to say: “It is enough for the one who hurt me.”
If you cannot, you do not understand the cross.
Every time you harbour bitterness, heaven looks at the cross and says: “But I forgave him too.” And if you refuse that, you are saying: “My judgement is better than God’s.” And that is exactly how Lucifer fell – he said: “I will be like the Most High.”
The danger of half-forgiveness
Some people say: “I forgave, but I want nothing more to do with him.” That is not forgiveness – it is emotional self-protection with a pretty label. True forgiveness does not require you to restore trust immediately, but it does require you to hand the person and the matter over to God without any bitterness.
Forgiveness says: “I owe him nothing – not punishment, not hatred.” And that freedom allows the Holy Spirit to flow through you again.
Heaven’s test
On that day, when you stand before Christ, He will not ask how many Bible verses you knew or how often you went to church. He will look at your heart. And if there is any bitterness left, His eyes will see it instantly. You can hide nothing.
And then He will say:
“You would not forgive as I forgave – how can you share in My Kingdom of forgiveness?”
These are the last words anyone ever wants to hear:
“Depart from Me, I know you not.”
Not because you did not pray, but because you did not forgive.
Conclusion: The road to freedom
Child of God, I say this with love, but also with seriousness: you cannot live in peace or be saved without forgiveness. It is the key that unlocks everything. It is the test of your faith.
Forgiveness is not for those who deserve it – it is for those who obey. And if you choose it, even through tears, the Spirit of God will fill you with a peace you cannot describe.
You will feel the chains break, the pain begin to fade, the voice of God begin to speak again.
It is the proof of life – to forgive as you have been forgiven.
Do not wait. Do it now. Say the name, speak the words, hand it over. Because tomorrow is not guaranteed, and no one knows how many grace-days remain.
Forgive – and live.
Refuse – and die with a soul that knows no rest.
The choice is simple, but eternally important.
Deep calls unto deep. Answer Him.
